apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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