whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
