Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
