So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
