Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
