I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it hurts more in the daytime
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
