imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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