who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
