I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The air was thick with penises
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
