Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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