My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
