Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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