I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
