I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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