Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
