my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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