hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
