it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
