Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
