Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's get the cat blown out
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
