we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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