I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
