oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
should my penis look like a turkey
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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