I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
