Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
