my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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