Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
