1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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