Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
