6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
