Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
