mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
