Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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