I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
