Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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