It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
