New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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