Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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