she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
