First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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