In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
MIDGETS
????
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
