You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
