I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
