Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
