So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
