i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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