he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
only you would photoshop your dick
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
