Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
