The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
