Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
