We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
